The space between “supposed to” and what’s true.
The above Anais Nin quote comes to mind as I reflect on a recent conversation about hesitating to explore the inner-Shadow because it feels too confronting.
When I discovered the Shadow almost 15 years ago, I felt trapped in a life that didn't feel like mine because I was living an identity that wasn’t true to who I really am. Although I was in a long-term relationship and had many friends, I felt emotionally isolated because I withheld my inner-world from my relationships for fear of being judged or seen as too much trouble to bother. At the same time, I was in a career that was labeled "successful" because it was high-paying, but I lived in constant anxiety about being found out that I was barely holding on by a shoestring and not as tough or unaffected as I portrayed myself to be. The discomfort from my inauthentic existence became so great that I welcomed whatever that Shadow had to show me about myself.
Thank God I did because now I enjoy spending my days engaging in work that feels natural & purposeful and I have a deep sense of satisfaction in my relationships because I am now available to emotional intimacy and as a result, I’m surrounded by people who are too.
Exploring Shadow means having an open and honest conversation with yourself about the space between who you think you’re supposed to be and who you really are, which at times may feel confronting, but that’s temporary and the payoff is a life that is 100% true to you.
Consider this:
Do you worry that others will find out you aren’t as together as they seem to think?
Do you withhold your true feelings from your relationships for fear of being judged or seen as too much trouble?
Are you in a career because it’s what you think you’re supposed to do, but feel there is something you’re meant to do?
By exploring Shadow you'll:
Come to understand that love and success are not contingent on being a particular version of yourself and learn to celebrate all the different layers of who you are, even the imperfect ones.
Let go of feeling that you must prove your worth to attain/retain love and become skillful at sharing your thoughts, desires, and needs and surround yourself with people who take pleasure in knowing and meeting them.
Learn to differentiate your inner voice from the voice of others and trust its guidance implicitly.
I did my Shadow exploration at a time when hardly anyone was talking about it, so I had to do much of it on my own, which felt hard and isolating at times. Luckily, that won’t be the case for you because you have Shadow Alchemy which not only gives you a methodology for how to practice this exploration, you have access to me and all my knowledge, training, and experience plus tons of resources and a community of people who are investing in this conversation with you.
